Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Also, beer. Big fan.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize