can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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