the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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