She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
