Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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