At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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