I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
