the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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