butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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