Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
