i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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