He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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