I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
