She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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