Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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