New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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