I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
