No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
