So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
