peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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