She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
