I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
