Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
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And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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