she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Let the clothes fall where they may.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
