I am spending my child support on dildos
Ketchup is God's man juice
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize