I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
