I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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