I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
