Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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