Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
