I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
