You're completely useless in the revolution.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
