we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
