the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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