You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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