so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
