I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
