Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
