Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
