I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
