Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
