there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
