The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
