so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
