i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
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Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
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You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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