Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
