Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
