the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
