a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
