my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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