Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize