Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
