I molested 6 butterflies tonight
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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