you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
