I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
