I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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