Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
